this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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