Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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