sarcasm needs its own font
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
