imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
