so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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