There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
