Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
