hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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