The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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