Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
