I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
