after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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