im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she looked like the before picture.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
