omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
