I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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