Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
