and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
