so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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