The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
