I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
