Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
