Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Vodka?
Forever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
