dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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