i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What a dumb baby whore.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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