i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
