Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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