the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
