I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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