I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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