I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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