sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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