She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
