Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
