I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
