do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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