Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
