non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
