I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
