i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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