About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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