My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
