I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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