You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
