If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
