I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
