My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
