I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
