But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
