my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
