I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
