Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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