I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
