I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
