Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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