in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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