This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
